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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28992558">The One That Kills Him</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witherstone/pseuds/Witherstone'>Witherstone</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Break Up, Drinking, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Fights, Riley Finn Bashing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:14:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28992558</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witherstone/pseuds/Witherstone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternative S5 'Into the Woods'. Spike didn't take Buffy to the vamp house, only followed Riley there. Riley went to his crypt to almost-stake him as a threat to keep him from talking. Buffy remains ignorant of the affair... for a time.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spike/Buffy Summers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Riley</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buffy's been patrolling the Restfield Cemetery, tense from the stress of the last weeks. Her mother's illness was keeping her up at night, Dawn has been extra moody and difficult trying to cope with the situation, and Riley blew her off two times in a row for some reason. Her Uni incompletes were just around the corner, and to add insult to the injury, a recent demon attack left the Scoobies at a crosswalk, no one able to identify the culprit's species.</p><p>She needed information, a distraction, or maybe just to punch someone who definitely deserved it, as she confidently burst through the doors to Spike's crypt.</p><p>The vampire looked up at her, unusually startled. He was shirtless and swayed a little away from her, but not before she noticed a fresh injury on his chest.</p><p>"Spike, I need..." She traced off as she came closer to him, gazing at the unmistakable round wound over his heart. "What happened?"</p><p>"Nothing", he said smoothly, putting his shirt on. Its hole pattern matched his chest.</p><p>"You got staked." Spike tilted his head. Was she worried about him? "And you didn't die." Nope, just dumbfounded. He shrugged and walked past her, carrying on with the initial plan of getting too hammered to feel the pain of his healing tissues.</p><p>"It couldn't have been wood", she kept thinking out loud, frozen in the middle of his crypt, staring at the floor. Spike took a sip from the half-empty bottle and sat on the sarcophagus, watching her with mild interest.</p><p>"Something that looked similar, but..." He could see the wheels in her head turning. One whiff of a vampire nose, she would have known immediately.</p><p>"Just drop it, love."</p><p>"Woodgrain." She was ignoring him, deep in thought. A plastic stake that looked real enough... but why would someone do it? Demons didn't go for idle threats made with human weapons. Someone tried to humiliate him, to taunt him. A human enemy?</p><p>Where did she see woodgrain like that..?</p><p>"Riley did this." She said to herself, earning her an impressed look from Spike. Sherlock Buffy strikes again.</p><p>"Oh God, it's because I said..." She remembered their fight in the caves, how she carelessly made the comparison that must have spun Riley off his axis. How he's been avoiding her lately, how she was too preoccupied with her mother to consider his feelings.</p><p>She left the crypt in a hurry, determined to straighten it out with her boyfriend, leaving Spike alone with his thoughts and whisky.</p><hr/><p>His phone kept going to voicemail. She circled the graveyard and breathed a sigh of relief when she found him near the south gate.</p><p>"Riley", she exclaimed, catching him by the arm. He seemed agitated and... a little drunk?</p><p>"What's up?, he asked cautiously. She frowned - he was wearing a jacket in a humid Californian afternoon.</p><p>"Are you alright? I..." She trailed off, unsure what to say. "I was worried about you. You didn't return my calls, and I know I wasn't really... there, with my mom and all."</p><p>He smiled and they walked together to sit on a nearby bench. "I'm okay, Buffy. And I know how hard it was for you lately, so... I guess I didn't want to implore."</p><p>"Like you could ever." She playfully smacked his arm. So far so good. "What have you been up to? I missed you."</p><p>"Uh, nothing much." Suddenly, her bullshit detector flared up. "Helped with patrolling, but I can see you're back to it now."</p><p>"Yeah, mom made me take a break from the hospital, so I went for more work." She waited for a moment, but he just looked at her politely. "So, um... did you have a fight with Spike?"</p><p>He frowned and she cursed herself for hearing insincerity in his voice. "Why would you say that?"</p><p>"The fake-stake", she clarified. And I have no proof. So just tell me you didn't do it.</p><p>His face lighted up in recognition and she bit her lip. He was hiding something, and if he was using Spike as a smokescreen, it must have been much worse than that.</p><p>"Yeah, we... he was getting ahead of himself. Why, do you care for him or something?"</p><p>"No!", she answered a bit too quickly. "A hundred times no. It just seemed weird, is all. He's still a harmless informant."</p><p>Riley looked away and she leaned toward him, a bloody sunset reflecting in his face. "He's not as harmless as you think."</p><p>"What do you mean?" He didn't reply, absent-mindedly stroking the crook of his elbow. It itched.</p><p>Buffy kept talking to cover up the guilt she felt inside. "It's because of what I said earlier, isn't it? 'Cause I really didn't mean it, it was a silly figure of speech a-and it wasn't true. So please just forget it, okay?"</p><p>Riley held his breath for a moment. That asshole didn't tell her..? "Buffy, he's in love with you", he said flatly, and for a moment all he could hear was the eery aura of the empty cemetery behind them.</p><p>He looked at his girlfriend, an utter look of confusion on her face. "He's been to your house, went through your things, don't tell me you didn't realize."</p><p>"He's not", she replied automatically before remembering their night out at the Bronze. How he teased her before leaning in.</p><p>"He can't be." Because he doesn't have a soul, or even a reason to like her. To help her out, fight together, talk to her on patrol, follow her like a shadow...</p><p>"I don't understand why didn't you dust him earlier." Riley trailed off, putting his hands in his pockets. "Why don't you cut him off? He's a twisted, disgusting monster, and keeping him around just fuels that sick obsession he has with you."</p><p>She looked up, frantically searching for one good reason she didn't, and then she saw it. A healing scab on the side of Riley's neck, almost hidden by his t-shirt. She wouldn't notice it if he wasn't sitting down.</p><p>"What's that?"</p><p>"He is a liability." Riley took her by the shoulders, trying to make her understand, but it sounded desperate to her. "Just another vampire."</p><p>A single mark, low, left-biter like the most. Narrow set of fang holes pointing to a female, much shorter than him.</p><p>"Riley, your neck." His hand went right up to cover it.</p><p>Wounds closing, maybe a week old.</p><p>"Oh, that's..."</p><p>No bruising around the area - he wasn't forcefully held down. An ambush?</p><p>"Did it happen on patrol?"</p><p>Punctures round and clean, the skin would get torn in a struggle. Unconcious? If he was lying down, the bite would be higher... and he wouldn't have survived it.</p><p>"Buffy, it's okay, I'm alright. It was an accident." He was trying to make her believe him, which spun her suspicions out of control. She came closer to look at the wound, grabbed the hand he was covering it with, then noticed a second bite on its wrist. No bruising either.</p><p>"What on Earth is going on?", she whispered, terrified. He opened his mouth to speak, then just closed it and sat away from her, not meeting her pleading eyes.</p><p>Tell me it was a fight. You wouldn't look so guilty about losing a fight.</p><p>"I had to know what it feels like."</p><p>No. Rewind, replay, tell me it was a fight.</p><p>"I'm sorry. But after Dracula, I-I just needed to understand..."</p><p>"You <em>let</em> yourself get bitten?" Buffy kept staring at him in disbelief. "You allowed it..? You could've died, Riley. Could've get turned. And for what..?!"</p><p>He sighed deeply, gritting his teeth with distress. "I had to know why they have so much power over you. Vampires."</p><p>She was stunned, offended, but mostly horrified. "They do not... Oh my God, this is not about Spike." She closed her eyes, wishing she wasn't right. "This is about Angel." You let yourself get bitten because I did it once.</p><p>She shook her head, hating going over the topic again. "I am over him. We help each other, but that's just work. And you don't have to worry about him, or Spike, or anyone else to come between us." And why can't you be jealous of humans, like a normal boyfriend?</p><p>"You're saying it, but I just don't feel it, Buffy."</p><p>
  <em>What?!</em>
</p><p>He was in the truth mode and she felt like the ground was moving from under her feet. He let a vampire feed off him, and was somehow making it her fault. How did it even happen..?</p><p>"You don't feel... what, exactly?" She tried to grasp the concept and her blood started to boil. "Something that you felt when you got bitten?"</p><p>He did sleep with Faith when she inhabited her body. Maybe he didn't<em> feel</em> her then either.</p><p>"I know how bad it sounds, but yeah. That... primal need, that blinding desire. It's the way I feel when I'm around you, and I just know it's one-sided."</p><p>She never felt those things when she was being bitten and that made it so much worse. Her throat tightened and she blinked away to stop the tears from rising.</p><p>"You're telling me you think I don't love you." She coughed, fighting the need to puke. "And comparing it to getting your blood sucked out."</p><p>She was glad to see this conversation was at least equally painful for him to go through. "Yes."</p><p>"I don't even know what to say." It felt so surreal she was getting numb. "Except that it's not true."</p><p>The sun was setting down quickly, covering them in an ambient glow and cooler air. Neither of them knew what to do now, sitting in the most uncomfortable silence since the reveal scene of Oedipus.</p><p>He risked his life because somehow she was not showing him enough love. He compared feeding a monster his blood to passionate love. And if her history with guys was a bit more standard, he would what, beat up her exes in some macho-display of dominance?</p><p>"I can't." She stood up, planning to spend the whole night in the training room. "I can't even look at you right now."</p><p>She wanted to leave when she sensed something in the wooded area behind them. Riley took her hesitation personally and faced her with a clenched jaw.</p><p>"They asked me to go back, Buffy. The military. So if you decide that you... can... then meet me here tomorrow at midnight. Otherwise, I'll just go quietly." She looked at him like he just slapped her. An ultimatum. Could anything out-shock this moment?</p><p>She heard a low growl and knew she jinxed it when a tall demon ran toward them from the woods.</p><p>She jumped on the bench, using it to power a fly-kick that stumbled the creature backward. Riley tried to tackle it from the side, but it swung at him, knocking him down. Buffy caught its arm and bent it back, forcing it away from her boyfriend.</p><p>Wait, was he an ex-boyfriend now? Did they just break up?</p><p>The demon charged at her; she was standing too close to dodge and got slammed into a tree. And that was when Spike arrived, just to double-jinx her evening for the impossibly worse.</p><p>She exchanged quick punches with the demon, Spike holding it back so she could deal more damage. "Slayer!" He fit into her attacks seamlessly, moving out of the way, then backing her right up. She didn't need to see him, sensing his presence next to her, knowing she never had to protect him from the attacks.</p><p>
  <em>A liability.</em>
</p><p>She finally staked the thing dead, though it took multiple stabbings; he matched the description of the demon from today's sightings. Spike stood next to her, panting deeply and reeking of booze.</p><p>"Any idea what it is?", she asked, kicking the corpse. It was big, purple, and seemed to be covered in some kind of boils.</p><p>"A Vajnu demon, from the looks of it." Riley groaned, getting off the ground, and the vampire frowned. "You can handle it, Slayer." He turned away, trying for nonchalant, but swinging slightly to the sides as he walked away.</p><p>Of course she could handle it. She could do her work well without rumors from the underworld, enhanced sense of smell for tracking, super strength and fighting skills matching her own.</p><p>She just... got used to working with vampires and enjoyed the advantages it brought her. And the realization hit her like a ton of bricks.</p><p>"Hey", Riley walked in their direction, picking a stake from the demon's body. "This ain't over."</p><p>Spike turned around warily, not really interested in the soldier's piercing glance. He looked over at Buffy, smirking at her startled expression.</p><p>She couldn't kill him. He knew that for some time already; it went against her iron moral compass of not hurting the defenseless. That, and with the whisky-powered confidence he could almost certainly tell she had a thing for him.</p><p>"If he really doesn't matter", Riley went toward the vampire, stake at hand. "Then you won't have a problem with this."</p><p>Spike was ready to run, but Buffy moved in front of him in a split second and shoved Riley's hand away, dropped stake hitting the ground with a hollow sound. Everything was very still while the couple stared each other down, and Spike decided it was time for a graceful if steady retreat.</p><p>He took a slow step back, then another, and finally left the scene before either of them spoke. He went for the liquor store and the entire way couldn't shake the feeling Buffy was more surprised at herself than he was.</p><p>"I am the one who kills him!", he heard her from the distance and it made him chortle.</p><hr/><p>Riley crossed his hands, looking at her expectantly. "Just proving a point."</p><p>Buffy huffed, glad Spike had enough survival instinct to flee. "In case you didn't notice, he literally just helped me slay a demon that took two innocent lives today."</p><p>"You have a thing for vampires." Was he trying to provoke her? Right after he witnessed her kill something?</p><p>"Unlike you, who just lets them bite you for the <em>primal need</em> of it." She paced around, pissed almost beyond words. "There's nothing wrong with having allies, Riley. I would've died so many years ago without backup."</p><p>It was his time to throw his arms up in frustration. "Evil is evil. You're supposed to destroy it, not invent its shades of grey."</p><p>"I am supposed to maintain the balance", she hissed, wondering what other misconceptions he had about her. "I have a mission that is thousands of years old. I'm not expecting you to understand that."</p><p>"But I bet one of your undead buddies can", he replied harshly. "Two hundreds years of experience? That must've made for one hell of a-"</p><p>"Stop." She shook her head, not believing her ears. "You were thinking about it the whole time..? How can you even compare us to the past?"</p><p>She suddenly remembered one of their conversations, when he was holding her in his bed, whispering she was the first girl he ever loved. She found it daring then, but now suspected a deeper meaning - that he was fixating on her past because he didn't have any of his own.</p><p>"How can you not? Now that I know what it feels like?!" He was in so deep, she wondered if this fire could ever be put down.</p><p>"I didn't let..." She cleared her throat, getting tired of the tirade. "I never let any vampire bite me for the thrill of it, Riley. It almost killed me. It never felt close to how it was for you." He was leaving tomorrow. Why?</p><p>"I can't touch you." Somehow, he took her calm demeanor offensively. "Are you even mad, Buffy? 'Cause every other time, you would take the violent way out. You think I can't take it?"</p><p>She once broke a vampire's neck with an anger-powered strike. Dislocating his jaw wouldn't even hurt her knuckles, but she was too disgusted to touch him.</p><p>"If you think hitting you proves I care, you're just as twisted as Spike." It was a point of no return. "I thought we could deal with this, but you're not even giving me a chance."</p><p>She put her hands on her hips, calling on her strongest deadly Slayer impression. She won't give him the satisfaction of crying. "It's over." She kept her voice stern. "We're done here. Good luck with your new operation."</p><p>His face softened up as if he didn't expect her to do it. "Buffy, we could still..." He met her cold eyes and felt his skin burn. The dark hole he dug for himself, filled with anxious ineptitude, with months of doubt and fear, was closing in on him.</p><p>Was it even possible for them to go back now? He wondered what was it that he wanted from her now, if there even were the right words that would turn this evening around. Their last few months around.</p><p>He realized he wanted to see her cry, and hated himself for it. Failed himself, getting consumed by his own evil, Buffy driving him to the worst he's ever seen himself become.</p><p>Shame, anger, hurt, pride. There was nothing to come back to. "Goodbye."</p><p>With that, he was gone, leaving her shaking on the inside. She marched off in the opposite direction, praying for another demon to kill.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Spike</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spike leaned on the side of the store, smoking a cigarette in hopes of sobering up enough so the night clerk would sell him more booze. The pain in his chest subsided, but he still felt like spending the night at Clem's, just in case the basket case tin soldier decided to pay him another visit. From the looks of it, he and Buffy were in a clinch and he didn't want to be there for the bloody aftermath.</p><p>As on cue, he saw her approaching, cold fury preceding her hurried step. He moved into the shadows, but she spotted him easily, eyes shooting daggers. He blamed Slayer senses, his masking skills top of the game.</p><p>"If he's not giving me answers, you will", she snarled, standing next to him with crossed hands. "And fast."</p><p>"Wish I could help, love", he replied slowly, putting out the cigarette. "But I'm not getting sucked into your bloody melodrama. Go bother your little friends for that."</p><p>He tried to move, but she side-stepped him, seconds from resolving to violence. "Why'd he stake you?"</p><p>He cocked an eyebrow at her, taking in how bothered she was. If he couldn't leave, might as well have some fun at her expense.</p><p>"'Cause he can't stand competition." He waited for the inevitable show of disgust and outrage, but it didn't come. Instead, Buffy just paused slightly, as if ticking something off an internal list.</p><p>"How'd he get himself bitten?"</p><p>He had to outdo his own insults now? "'Cause he's an insecure cornfield boy with a strong women complex."</p><p>She hit him fast, straight between the eyes, not impressed. "Spike, you know where you can shove your opinion. Why wasn't he killed?"</p><p>She said it like she wished he was and it got him interested. "There is a place." He studied her reaction, recovering from the punch. "Humans bring in the money, they get consensual action."</p><p>Her eyes widened. "And what, you met him there!?"</p><p>He scoffed. "No." He would rather starve than lower himself like this. "I followed him there." She looked away, accepting the explanation, suddenly deflated. He was stalking her house at nights, all the cigarette butts she was finding, and it made disturbing sense.</p><p>"Way to play your cards." She moved away from him, holding her hands behind her neck, but she wasn't leaving and it put him in notion.</p><p>"You look like you could use a drink, Slayer." She was vulnerable and he was too far gone to care.</p><p>"Yeah?" He recognized her expression - it was heartbreak. "And you could use a safe house, but both these ideas are terrible."</p><p>They stood in silence for a minute and she caved with a heavy sight. "If you want me to drink, grab something that won't make me gag. Oh, and milk."</p><hr/><p>It was already late at night when they made it back to her house. Willow agreed to babysit Dawn, so Buffy entered silently, only switching on a small lamp in the kitchen. After she took off her coat, though, she saw Dawn standing at the bottom of the stairs in her pajamas.</p><p>"Dawnie", she approached her, a pang of guilt rising in her throat. "I didn't mean to wake you. Uh, hope you don't mind him-" She gestured to Spike, but Dawn just went straight to the vampire for a hug. He hugged her back, shooting Buffy an apologetic look.</p><p>"Sorry to hear about your mum, Niblet", he whispered, petting her hair. She nodded, moving away from him.</p><p>"I can't sleep when you're not here", she turned to her sister. "So just keep it down now, I have school tomorrow." She went back upstairs and Buffy looked after her, lost. Spike put two bottles on the kitchen island and she turned to him, sitting down heavily.</p><p>"What am I doing?", she asked no one in particular, watching Spike pour her a glass of strawberry schnapps.</p><p>"Aiding your ally in the fight against evil", he replied casually, fixing himself a scotch. They sat at the opposite corners of the island, the distance making it easier to avoid each other's eyes.</p><p>"Funny", Buffy took a small sip. "It seems like I'm drinking with a vampire who wants to get into my pants."</p><p>So that's why she wasn't outraged. She saw it as a sex thing.</p><p>"It's not just that", he clarified, gritting his teeth. "I'm playing the long game, sure, but I do love you. Commitment and all."</p><p>She <em>pff-ed</em> into her drink, giving him an amused look. "It so is. You don't even have a soul."</p><p>This was the only dimension in which he could accept being compared to Peaches.</p><p>"When Angel didn't have a soul, he tortured your Watcher for hours and killed his woman." He could feel her tense up. "I just want to be with you like a whipped pounce, so ease off your moral high horse."</p><p>She raised her eyebrows at the comment. "I wasn't really clear before, so just for the record: no." She fixed him with a cold stare. "It's not gonna happen. <em>Nada</em>. I am not attracted to you and I will never love you. There is no chance of changing that. Uh-uh", another sip of alcohol. "So drop it and move on."</p><p>He was not going to get discouraged by a direct rejection. There was definitely some attraction there.</p><p>"You know vampires, like it or not." He'll let her come to him.</p><p>"Yeah, sure. Deadly, no boundaries, a shadow of people they've once been." She was fiddling with her fingers as if reciting a memorized quote.</p><p>"Not what I mean. You spend more time with us than with humans."</p><p>She managed to look annoyed. "That is your argument? I should join the dark side?"</p><p>"I'm just saying it's a part of you. It's not that unusual."</p><p>She groaned in frustration. "It does seem naive, doesn't it? To want a normal life with a secret identity and an ignorant husband." She paused, resting her cheek on her hand. "But choosing the supernatural because it's easier to manage is just wrong."</p><p>He shrugged, wishing to be able to smoke in the house. "Follow your heart, Slayer. Hell knows you don't have enough time to overanalyze."</p><p>She chuckled at that. "Almost missed your mind games, Spike. Any less subtle ways of manipulating me?"</p><p>"I know you like me, but you'll never admit it." Here was his whisky confidence again. "And that poor Whitebread couldn't handle you. Hardly his fault."</p><p>She flinched. The pain was fresh and searing, but it also felt like the graveyard conversation happened weeks ago. "Not because he was human. We had a fight." And he gave me an ultimatum.</p><p>"Was that your first? How did he handle the inevitable loss?"</p><p>"Better than you did", she snarked. "You played with his mind, didn't you?"</p><p>He straightened himself in his seat. "And what does it say about him? You see through my bullshit, Buffy, he fell right into it."</p><p>She didn't take his back-hand compliment and just finished her drink, letting Spike pour her another. "<em>I</em> broke it off."</p><p>He figured that much. She sat quietly for a moment, rewinding this day, filled with events she didn't want to discuss. "My mom's still at the hospital", she said slowly, unsure why she was telling him that.</p><p>"You'll pull through." His voice was low and calm. "No matter what happens."</p><p>She shot him an angry look, denial the only way she could deal with the situation. "She'll be alright", she stressed. "She'll make it. It's bad enough I had to talk to <em>her</em> about the other option."</p><p>He could sense it was overstepping, so he let her stew in misery for a moment before speaking. "Want to change the subject?"</p><p>"God, yes." She was drinking faster now.</p><p>"Back in my crypt, you mentioned soldier-boy staked me over something you said. What was it?"</p><p>She smiled without joy, then pressed her lips tightly together. "It was stupid."</p><p>"Won't tell a soul."</p><p>For some reason, her resolve melted when she looked at him. "Before he had the surgery, he was afraid it would make him into a regular guy, and it wouldn't be enough for me."</p><p>Spike nodded in agreement. "We argued and I sorta... told him if I wanted to be with someone for their superpowers, I'd be dating you."</p><p>He was still taking in the news when she backtracked. "I-It was a figure of speech, but when I saw you today, I thought it triggered him. He didn't handle the whole Angel deal well."</p><p>Going for a dirty remark just seemed too easy. "There isn't a bloke who wouldn't feel inadequate at that."</p><p>"You're saying it as if no man could handle a strong woman." She seemed offended, her feminist bones trembling.</p><p>"Five times stronger than them?" He leaned back in his chair. "Yeah, the case stands. It leaves no balance, no sense of control."</p><p>She finished the drink and glanced at the schnapps on the counter, determining how much did she have. "Relationships are not about that." Spike caught her eyes and obliged before she could protest.</p><p>"Everything is about that." She was halfway through the bottle now. "If you don't take control of your life, might as well lie down and wait for your death."</p><p>"If you had the chip removed right now, what would you do?"</p><p>She surprised him, but he spent so many sleepless days thinking about it, the answer came to him immediately. "Snap Captain Cardboard in half along with all of his buddies. Get high off human blood. Try to kill you again."</p><p>She chuckled, deciding to go with it. "Your control was taken away, so you go for the next best thing. Sex and killing, it's all the same to you."</p><p>"I'll settle for either. I do have a preference, though."</p><p>She thought about it for a moment. There was something... exciting about sitting next to her former enemy, a dangerous, yet familiar being. Knowing that right now she was in control of his everything.</p><p>"Would you go after Dawn? Or my mom?", she asked suddenly, a look of pure curiosity on her face.</p><p>Why was he even being honest with her? "...No." Call your friends, he's gone soft. Dru would laugh her ass off.</p><p>She sighed, looking into her glass. "And the worst thing is, I believe you." He tilted his head, moving slightly closer. "I'm not humanizing you. The chip changes nothing. But I think you changed, to adapt."</p><p>He should be mad at not being able to strike fear in her, sitting so close behind the bars of the military muzzle, but he only wanted to touch her, to have her let him touch.</p><p>He reached for her hand because he's been taking chances all evening and couldn't pass this one. She didn't react, and only looked at him when he brought it to his lips, linking their fingers together and kissing them softly. An impulse of simple pleasure radiated down her arm and she took it away with a short gasp, shocked.</p><p>It shouldn't feel like that. It was the same as violence to him, purely physical, not real. Yet it took all of her drunken willpower to move away, her face hot.</p><p>"That's enough gaslighting for tonight." She stood up, signaling it was the time for him to go. "Riley's leaving tomorrow anyway, taking this Initiative farse out of here."</p><p>"Leaving?" Spike reached to take his remaining whisky, but stopped halfway. "He's not gonna hopelessly fight for you then?"</p><p>Buffy rolled her eyes, putting their glasses in the sink and turning to the back door. "Some would consider it a mature decision."</p><p>He stepped outside and lighted a long-overdue cig, glad to see she followed him. "Like a very sweet geriatric romance." He leaned on the porch, watching her standing opposite of him, hiding her amusement. "You know you'd have to dust me to stop me from coming."</p><p>She stopped smiling, holding herself by the elbows, chilled by the foggy greyness of arriving dawn. "Don't do this." She didn't want to look into his eyes, blue and burning. "I've been drinking, I'm tired, and punching will just encourage you."</p><p>Couldn't agree with her more. "There's something there, Buffy." He couldn't just go after she let him touch her like this.</p><p>"There's nothing", she declared. "Just emotional neediness, a-and attention-seeking. And whatever I do now, it's just misguided comfort and has nothing to do with you."</p><p>He flicked the cigarette away and came closer until she felt the smell of smoke. Her Slayer senses were breaking through the alcohol daze, warning her of his presence, making her skin shiver.</p><p>"You're putting a disclaimer on your feelings, love?"</p><p>She grabbed a lapel of his coat and he knew she was in. "I did warn you." She looked up and kissed him softly, easing into the sensation, getting to know his lips as if it was their first time.</p><p>He took another chance and put his hands around her waist, sliding them down to her hips, daring her to open her mouth and let him show her what he was capable of. She gave in with a quiet moan, pressing her body to him, touching his neck, keeping him close. And God did she feel good, getting bolder, wrapped around him, driven by the same raw need that was consuming him every time he felt her scent.</p><p>She broke the kiss sharply, eyes still closed, and he nuzzled the side of her face, hearing her deep breaths. "Shit, I'm the bad Slayer now."</p><p>He chuckled, voice low, hands still around her. "You're my Slayer." She was still for a second before the guilt overrode pleasure.</p><p>"Sorry", she whispered, moving away. "I'm... I shouldn't have." He was too amazed to care, watching her silently torture herself, knowing how much she enjoyed him, how real it made her feel.</p><p>"So, um..." She tried to go back to the warped normalcy they established a lifetime ago. "How'd you even get this jacket anyway? I barely see you without it."</p><p>He almost ignored the conversation, eyes still stuck at her lips. "Salvation Army?"</p><p>"Spike." For some reason, he decided to tell her the truth, finding it easier to handle her wrath than to pretend to be someone else.</p><p>"Belonged to the last Slayer I bagged."</p><p>She looked at him wide-eyed, and he couldn't read her for a moment until she started laughing.</p><p>"So... All this time, you've been wearing a women's coat?!"</p><p>He stared at her. "It's a leather duster. It doesn't have a gender."</p><p>Buffy was getting hysterical. "You're wearing a women's coat! Yeah, that's so badass."</p><p>He tilted his head back, taking in the foggy daybreak. He'd never admit it <em>was</em> a bit funny. "My last half an hour. Have to bloody go."</p><p>She calmed down, silently negotiating with herself, then pulled him close again for a fast kiss, promising everything and delivering on nothing. "Go."</p><p>He took off in the direction of the graveyard, still not thinking clearly, memories of her words and body making him smile like an idiot.</p>
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